Time to Air the Laundry......

I was recently told I am unable to be a 'co-parent'... It's an interesting concept to me and one I cant get out of  my mind... for almost 7 years now.. since learning that my daughter would one day come to bless my life I have done nothing but base my life on providing everything I could from a loving, supportive, caring fatherly protective perspective. Yet I am being told I am not able to co-parent.... It's sad actually when you begin to boil down to the details.. Let's look at some of the more recent instances
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Any time my daughter has ever done anything for milestones in her life I have always filmed, video'd, and capture her every moments and tried to share them.... yet cant remember the last time I was shared a moment, a photo or a video... and when ask to have copies or even provided a chance to scan and return the originals of known events (including the pics on the wall where there are no digital files or even copies) .. The responses have been 'they are mine guess you will have to start over with your own' or... 'I paid for them you go buy your own'.. For me Easter pics, Christmas pics, school pics, sports pics, etc... I have either shared or offered to share them... Yet I am the one who cant co-parent.


When it comes to school events I have always made sure the mother was aware or wanted to be a part even on the days my daughter was to be with me....yet recently on the 'Meet the Teacher' event before the new school year I ask for over a week what time Grace would be going to meet her teacher as I wanted to be there alongside her to support her as her father... I was never told a time... I called and text on the day of the event to see what time they were going and was never given a response... I finally was able to reach my daughter later in the evening and she told me 'sorry daddy, we have already been there'..... Yet, I am the one who can't co-parent. The good thing to know is that the teacher was already able to read some of the struggles from the previous year so she is aware of the situation.

Grace has always shared with her mother that it isn't fair she doesn't get to spend as much time with daddy as she does mommy. She has ask time and time again to be able to see her dad more to which her mother tells her no. It was hard on her when I took the new position late last fall because I was required to work 2nd shift.. I lost a couple of days a week with my daughter but when 'good jobs' are slim to come by... you take what you can get and you work your way out of them. As we competed the final changes to our custody agreement at that time it was understood that I would not be on '2nd shift' that long as I would do my best to go to another shift where I could have more time with Grace. We made a preset agreement so that if and when I changed shifts the custody agreement was already done and we wouldnt have to go back to court each time.. so it was set if I worked 1st, 2nd, or 3rd shift we already knew what those days would be.. Her attorney ask for 'examples' of what the shift times would be for each shift and we shared the times for the company I worked for.. Well, since such time I was ask by management to step into a higher position on 'dayshift' M-F 8-5... Remember the agreement already outlined an example of a  'dayshift' of M-F 6-2:15... Grace's mother is now saying because I work '8-5 and not '6-2:15' I am being told I do not have rights to my daughter for the new custody agreement of hours..... Yet I am the one who can't co-parent.

I currently pay almost $900/ mo in child support. That number is expected to change and go higher come next month due to being taken back to court A) because of the new position I accepted B) because my life is a much happier one C) someone just has nothing better to do.  Some of that money is reimbursement for medical coverage. The mother has always demanded she be the one to carry the insurance. Since starting with this new company I have ask to be allotted the ability to carry the insurance since I am the one to pay for it.. Here are the details: I am able to carry the exact same insurance, with the exact same coverage, co-pays, deductibles, etc..All of Grace's current established physicians
she has used since the day of her birth are covered.... for way less than half the cost of her mother carrying the plan through the hospital... and I am being told 'just keep sending the money'...  Let's take this a step further... Just this past week my daughter was instructed to ask her father about putting money in her school lunch account for this year since 'He doesn't pay me to take care of you'... Last year I placed almost $400 in her lunch account through the span of her kindergarten year.. Out of that $8 was used when Grace was with her dad as I always prepared her lunch for her on the nights she was with me and the remainder of it was used on the days she was with her mother. A recent email was received that stated 'YOU DONT PAY FOR GRACE AT ALL- NADA. YOU DO NOT SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER AT ALL" ..... Interesting isnt it... yet it is viewed that I am the one who is able to co-parent.

We have a pre-arranged agreement that during the evenings between the hours of 6-7 pm Grace is to be made available to speak with the other parent. That way each day she does get to speak with the parent she is not with... I was told in an email that 'You do not respect Grace's bed time'... I can show you the screen shots and provide the calling record to show that I call during my 'scheduled' time to call... Daily the phone is never answered and no texts messages provided as a common courtesy to simply advise they are in the middle of something we will call you later, Grace is doing homework... nothing... It is normal routine that she calls me between the 8:15 and 8:25 as the mother stands in her presence and hounds her to 'hurry up, it is your bedtime'... 'say goodnight to your dad you need to get to bed'.. Understand Grace has a very structured scheduled with me that despite school or summer her bed time remains the same as it is important to keep children her age on a schedule... They are growing.... During the past weekend when she was with me we tried to call her mother as we had no heard from her... No answer..Grace didnt want to leave her mother a message. At 9:00 pm that same night the mother returned a call, demanding to talk to her daughter... once Grace was on the phone the mother kept her up for 45 min reading stories to her.... and I am the one who can't co-parent?

And finally, one more as I think you are finally starting to get the point...
The mother recently tried to have a restraining order placed on me because I was finally able to learn what night of the week Grace had karate practice. This was the same place she attended summer camp. The practice was just an extension of her full day at camp. I had ask time and time again when she had karate practice and was told I was not allowed to go because these were not the days she was to be with me... I finally found out and just went one evening.. Grace was so excited to see me there.. The practice is 45 minutes long.. I was there... no sign of the mother, 10 minutes before practice was to end.. in comes the mother.. Now livid as she sees me there. Since that day she has tried to get me removed from being there because it is 'Not your night to have her' ... To further this.. as mentioned before Grace has always wanted more time with her dad... Her mother has always said I just need to leave their lives as she can provide a more stable and consistent schedule for Grace.  Yet looking back at the past two year alone... when with her mother on days she went to Pre-K and when she went to K... she spent an average of >10 hours a day in a day care or summer camp.... when she was with her day that number drops to <6 a="" allowed="" always="" am="" amount="" and="" another="" be="" been="" camp="" can="" cant="" care="" chance="" child="" co-parent....="" could="" d="" dad...="" day="" daycare="" dinner="" done="" drop="" dropped="" else="" events...="" ever="" for="" friends..="" going="" grace="" have="" help="" her.="" her="" here...="" hours...="" i="" if="" in="" is="" keep="" me="" meet="" mother...="" mother="" multiple="" my="" myself="" never="" of="" off.....="" off="" offered="" once="" one="" or="" other="" out="" p="" person="" please="" providing="" routine="" same="" say="" schedule="" she="" shopping="" significant="" sit="" situation="" so="" someone="" spend="" spent="" stable="" summer="" sure="" t="" than="" the="" there="" time="" times="" to="" understand...="" was="" went="" where="" while="" who="" with="" wouldn="" yet="">
I honestly could go on and on with the events that have happened... through proof of emails, text messages, recorded phone calls, recorded conversations in person.... those listed above.... not even the topping on the came... Its better represented as the 'tip of the iceberg'....... you make your own judgments... but if you  want the extra proof... Just ask.. I have them all....