Emotional Mess

As I sit and contemplate what it is and how I am going to share my thoughts I feel the gamut of emotions running through me. I guess when it comes to me I want to know the good first allowing that to help me prepare for the bad.... So here it goes:

Today is a day of extreme happiness for me. It brings tears of joy to my eyes just thinking about it.. As a big brother it what you always hope and dream for when you are "blessed" to have a little sister.  Today is the day my little sister gets married. *choke* *swallow* *tears* It is the day when you know the pain of relationships finally goes away, no more mistreatment, no more heartache, no more lies, no more tears of pain.... Finally the right man has come into her life that you have always hoped and prayed for.  It fills my heart to know that someone has finally taken her hand and began to treat her like the princess she is and the woman she deserves to be. He has started to show her the love she had not experienced and the support she hasn't known. That "soul mate" experience we all long to find.  And for that I find myself in uber happiness. You can throw in the emotions elated, excited, confident,

As the emotions flow I find myself fighting them back. I feel crushed at the fact that I am not going to be able to witness this grand day. I feel anger at the fact the company I am currently working for could not find it in themselves to approve a couple of days off so that I may attend this event. Which leaves me embarrassed at the fact I am the only sibling unable to attend the wedding. There are so many things I could continue with..... Many of them may repeat or fuel other emotions already represented.

So I often find myself reminding that inner soul that today is not my day it is Danielle's day. Today is about her. I am thankful that she has ask my little girl to be the flower girl. I am sure she will be the cutest one there... I can't wait to see the pictures! Today I am thankful that the family will all be able to attend in peace and support and share an experience of memories that only a few can honestly say that were there for.