Write it down.......

For many of you I want to say thank you for the kind words you have shared in recent times... whether that have been via FB, a text, a private message, an email or even a phone call. It is amazing how one can feel as if they are so alone in the world yet in an instant know they are surrounded by love, support, guidance, and overwhelming emotional support in all other aspects. I have found during my journey through life I am far from perfect. I have never claimed to be nor will I ever achieve such a status... For many of us... we know of only one whom is perfect and we provide praise and give thanks to Him everyday. I know in recent weeks I have chosen to "air my dirty laundry" on FB..... Not too verbal I feel but yes there are times when I have shared my experiences, my ups, my downs, my trials and tribulations, my hurdles, obstacles, and yes even those times when things just piss me off...... But you know that's OK. I don't choose to hide how I feel, I dont pretend to paint a white picket fence amongst a thriving metropolis of gang violence... I feel it is best to be up front and honest. Yes, I also know there is a time and a place for all of that and this is where I have found myself to be not so perfect. I have "shot from the hip" on occasion, I have even run off at the mouth a time or two....or three, four, five......you get the point.  again those times of not so perfect demeanor that I learn from them. I sure do not find myself to be any better than any one single human being on the earth.

"OK... where is he going with all of this.. I know there is a message here....."


Well..... here it goes.... I, as many of you whom have known me most of my life have been in my daughters shoes... My parents raised us in two different homes the best they could with what they knew, what they had learned, and with everything they could provide... For me that was two very different worlds that I would never ask to be changed,.... My parents provided me with the richest of learning experiences both good and bad and I sure dont hold one thing against them for any of it. It brings tears to my eyes each and every time I revisit those times not for what I went through but because my parents have expressed they feel they failed us children from time to time when honestly they did all we could ask of them and there is by no means any failure in that... their very best. Both my mother and my father did everything they could to be the very best they could be given the circumstances. So I know first hand the potentials of both good and bad my daughter will experience given the position she is in. I also know through experience in her shoes that things said by one parent or another stick in your mind for a life time. I am not about "parent bashing", degrading, or verbal damaging verbiage in front of my daughter by any means... I have been there... Its not a good experience and being I have had that... I dont want her experience it either.... I take my time and carefully consider response to questions she has about what is going on or why things are they way they are that allows her to ask questions from BOTH sides and form an opinion for herself... Though she is "only 5".... she is beyond her years and intelligent enough to form her own opinions. I know in time "proof is in the pudding" and no words will need to be spoken. I have never ask a soul to take/ choose sides in any of this... and I never will. Yes, as MANY of you have expressed in recent weeks there are two sides to every story... please take the time to learn them both and form your own opinion.  I sure as hell wont take that from you... If you have questions.... ALL of my contact information is listed in my profile... feel free to contact me. Many of you, most of you have used one or more of those vehicles of communication already. I feel the time spent with my daughter is in the richest of environments for love, guidance, support, growth, and expression. I may be strict at times and I am sure there will be times  along the way when she and I will not meet eye to eye... yet my daughter will NEVER have to question whether daddy is there for her in heart, support, guidance, emotional connect, or interest in whom she is, where she is going, the person she is becoming, or what she fears, faces, or challenges in life. I will ALWAYS be there for her and I feel I have done a damn good job of making that a known fact to date. So please never question that effort. I do my very best to make her experience with her daddy positive, loving, and supportive... There have been times I have found myself wanting to drop to my knees with clutching fists and scream at the top of my lungs over cascading tears for what I am experiencing during all of this yet  I challenge anyone to try and stop that relationship from growing. I have one of the greatest gigs in the world.... being a father to one of God's greatest blessings... my daughter... I will stand an fight to the end to be a part of what God provided me with and what He has ask me to be. A Father. There is no pain, no fault, no time, no exhausted energy that will ever be more important to me to supersede any effort placed toward my relationship with my daughter. To me it is all worth it.